The Value of Family Stories

Now that my mother is gone, I am more committed than ever to preserving my father’s stories. Because he has vascular dementia, there’s no guarantee as to how long he will be able to recount his many adventures, so each time I visit, I’ve begun asking him to tell me a story and recording it.

Ultimately, I’m not sure what I’ll do with these stories. That doesn’t really matter. All I know is this shared storytelling activity – both the telling and the capturing – has important benefits for both of us.

Benefits and value of family stories

1. Audible reminders

You can have a million photos, a phone full of texts and emails, and a pile of cards and letters from a loved one who has passed away, but the sound of their voice brings them back in a split second, like they’re right in the room with you. When you record your loved one’s stories, you not only document that piece of family lore, but you also have a reminder of their personality and spirit that you can revisit whenever you choose, as well as share with others.

2. An appreciation of life

Older folks – and especially those with dementia or hearing loss – may have difficulty following conversations and thus tend to recede into the background. Asking seniors to tell their stories can make them feel important and allow them to have the floor. It may also give them a new perspective on their lives, including what they’ve achieved and what was important to them.

Says Dr. Robert Butler, founder of the New York-based International Longevity Center, “I was struck some years back by the fact that older people tended to review their life. At that time, whenever people reminisced it was regarded by psychologists and psychiatrists as possible early signs of senility. But because we were studying vital, healthier older people, it struck me how important it was for people to come to grips with the kind of life they had led.”

3. A family treasure

Children in the family may not have known their older relatives, or remember them well even if they met. These grandparents and great aunts and uncles become merely a face in a photo album to them. Collecting and sharing stories of their family members’ adventures and experiences can help younger generations know their family better, even understanding important contributions their elders have made – within the family and the greater world. And because these stories are real life (when your great-grandpa fell in the river or your great-aunt met Elvis Presley), they’re better than any bedtime story!

4. A closer relationship

For me personally, listening to and recording my father’s stories is helping me forge an even tighter bond with him. Although he continues to be baffled as to why I want him to retell these stories, this exercise is showing him that I am interested and that his experiences are important to me – not just a value of family stories, an invaluable benefit!

“Creating Legacy Through Objects”: an excerpt from Squint: Re-visioning the Second Half of Life

A story from my mother: Mother Trucker

One day, when my mother was barely 20 and pregnant with me, she was visiting my father at his family-owned Texaco station. While he was distracted with work, she noticed the keys to a tractor trailer, which was in the garage for maintenance, hanging from a peg. Without a second thought, she snatched up the keys, climbed into the driver’s seat and drove the huge truck out of the station parking lot. Somehow, no one noticed, including my father.

My mother drove the truck down a neighborhood street behind the gas station. It turned out to be a dead end, and when she attempted to turn the truck around at the end of the road, she practically jackknifed it. Finally admitting defeat, she jumped down from the cab and knocked on the door of one of the houses.

The man who came to the door asked if my mother, who was sheepishly standing there with her big belly and cute little maternity smock, was the daughter of Nora Jones. Nora Jones, who owned the gas station, was her mother-in-law, and while my mother adored her, she probably also feared her a little. She begged him not to call her. Instead, he called my father, who was shocked that his young wife had “stolen” their customer’s truck but came to her rescue anyway!

Eventually, with a lot of finagling, my father got the truck out of the neighborhood, and with my mother riding shotgun, they went back to the Texaco station. But then my mother was forced to confess her misdeed to my no-nonsense grandmother. Suffice it say, Mom never tried that again!