Two Seniors Seeking Friendship

– Still Grieving

Dear Still Grieving:

When I got to the end of your letter and read the name you chose, I felt two sensations: a lightbulb going off and a deep, compassionate bolt of pain. I suspect some of your social isolation is related to your grief.

Loss of a spouse or companion often makes us feel like we’ve lost a part of ourselves. The grief is complicated – even if it’s been months or years – and it makes it hard to re-engage with life in a way that makes sense. This is not your fault. I know that you’re eager to make connections, but the way you relate to the world is going to be different and produce a lot of stops and starts.

Ask yourself what you’re looking for and try to be as specific as possible. What would it look like if you had the life you want right now? And are there small steps you can take to get there? Give yourself time.

You’re not alone in this. Social connections are hard for so many people. I’m not going to suggest church, but I am going to suggest a grief support group, where you can find people who understand some of what you’re going through and, perhaps, might be good candidates for friendship.

Related: The Effects of Loneliness on Senior Health

Wondering how to meet people

Dear Eric:

I am a male senior citizen living in suburban Maryland with no family. With personal ads a thing of the past and online dating very costly, I do not know where or how to meet quality singles or widows. I was never a bar hopper, and it would be nice just to have a companion.

I am from New York where my friends live, and I notice people do not even want to get to know another person. Any specific or general advice?

– Wants a Connection

Dear Connection:

As a big fan of rom-coms, I believe wholeheartedly in the enduring power of kismet. No matter how many apps, ads or websites we create to help us reach each other, it all comes down to two people being in the right place in life at the right time. So, put yourself in new places, not necessarily with the intention of finding a companion but rather with the desire to find things that bring you joy in life.

Try taking a class or picking up a hobby, volunteering or going on a group trip. Consider joining or getting more heavily involved in an organization – rotary, garden club, biker gang, whatever suits your fancy. Sometimes the easiest way to get to know someone, romantically or platonically, is by sharing a common interest, as in the letter above.

Near you, there’s a place called the Bykota Center with a robust slate of programs every day for adults over 60, from ballroom dancing to a monthly lecture series. See if a place like that is a good match for you.

Eric Thomas solicited advice from other seniors seeking friendship and shared responses in a follow-up column to inspire anyone looking for connections.

R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and author of “Congratulations, The Best Is Over!” Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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