Lifestyle What to Call a New Step-Grandma 6/10/2024 | By Amy Dickinson A 6-year-old’s grandfather remarries and insists that the grandson calls the new step-grandma “Grandma” – immediately! The mom doesn’t want to force the issue and reaches out to Ask Amy for advice. Dear Amy: My son “Aaron” is six years old. Aaron’s grandmother “Omi” is deceased, and his grandfather has remarried a woman Aaron always previously addressed as “Miss Helen.” I’m wondering: Is it OK to force a child to address a step-grandma as “Grandma” before he is ready? His grandfather feels that since he has married Helen it is disrespectful for his grandson to address her this way. I think that whatever way Aaron feels comfortable calling her should be fine. Currently, whenever he slips up, his grandfather tells him how disrespectful he is. I’m afraid of what might happen if he keeps slipping up, and what punishment his grandfather might deliver. Your opinion? – Upset Mother Dear Upset: I agree with you that a 6-year-old child should be gently introduced into a family transition and not punished if he doesn’t quite catch on to the new program. He is six! The immediate – and probably lasting – consequence of this pressure will be that “Aaron” will most likely choose not to address his new step-grandmother at all, for fear of slipping up. His grandfather’s harshness will not inspire respect, but timidity, and possibly – fear. Aaron will then choose to avoid these two adults, which is an instinctive and rational reaction to their behavior. And patterns and relationships established in youth have a way of sticking. These grandparents need to realize that while it is easy to demand respect, commanding respect takes time, patience, and setting a positive example. This grandfather is failing, and when Aaron starts avoiding him, the grandfather will claim not to have the slightest idea why. News from “Ask Amy”: On May 24, Amy Dickinson shared with readers that she’s discontinuing her advice column. You can read her announcements and her reasons at BoomerMagazine.com. In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers – ranging from a new step grandma, to when one suspects elder abuse, and incompatibility in retirement. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. Read More Amy Dickinson