Alzheimer's / Dementia Spending Time with Someone with Dementia 12/20/2024 | By Terri L. Jones Whether for caregiving or paying a visit, spending time with someone with dementia may seem intimidating. Perhaps you don’t know what to expect or you’re afraid you’ll do or say something wrong. But your time and attention can be a great source of comfort and support. Your apprehension is certainly understandable, but it’s no excuse for staying away. Below we’ve compiled some advice for spending time with someone with dementia to make your visits comfortable and enjoyable for both of you. Tips for time with someone with dementia 1. Time of day For many people with dementia, the best time to visit is in the morning or early afternoon when they are generally well-rested and more alert. But be sure to consult with their caregiver to determine the most suitable time for that particular person. 2. Introductions When you first arrive, be sure to introduce yourself in case your loved one doesn’t recognize you. This will prevent embarrassment, on both parts. For example, say “Hi Nancy, I’m your friend Betty. We used to work together at ABC company.” Even if you’re a close family member, it doesn’t hurt to remind them of your name and relationship to them. 3. Three’s a crowd If several friends or family members want to visit, it’s usually a good idea to limit the number of guests to one or two to avoid overwhelming the person. Again, ask the caregiver for guidance on how many is too many. 4. Peace and quiet Visit with your friend or family member in a quiet space away from other people and activities. Turn off televisions and music to minimize distractions.Listen and validate. Let them talk and validate their feelings and experiences. Even if you know what they’re sharing isn’t true, go along with them and try not to disagree with them. 5 tips for managing dementia delusions 5. Respect Speak in short, simple sentences but don’t talk down to someone with dementia. Treat them with the same respect you always have. 6. Eye level Be sure to talk to your loved one at eye level and try to maintain eye contact to help them focus on what you’re saying and show that you’re listening when they speak. 7. Quiet time If your family member or friend doesn’t feel like talking, don’t force conversation. Enjoy a snack, flip through a photo album, look at the flowers in the garden or just sit quietly and hold their hand, savoring the time together. 8. Length of time Be prepared to cut your visit short if your loved one becomes tired, overwhelmed or agitated. You’ll generally know when that time come 9. Choosing things to do together Activities are a good way to connect with your loved one, but those with dementia appreciate choosing what they do and don’t do (there are so few things in their lives that they control anymore). Offer them a few options and let them pick. If they reject them all, assure them that it’s fine to just enjoy each other’s company. Activities you can participate in together include: Take a walk Plant flowers Water plants Feed the birds Have a picnic in the backyard Sit on the porch and enjoy a beverage and/or snack Listen to the person’s favorite music Look at photo albums Ask the person about their childhood pets, friends or first car Read the newspaper together or read it to them Bake cookies Put silverware away Fold clothes or towels Give the person a hand massage with lotion Brush their hair Watch videos of family birthdays, weddings, holidays and other special occasions 10. Going on an outing Venturing out to a restaurant, park, family member’s home or just for a walk in the neighborhood can keep your loved one from feeling isolated and bored, while also improving their mood. It can also help orient them as the world around them. Leaving home, however, isn’t always easy for those with dementia and can cause agitation and confusion. Therefore, it’s important to properly prepare for outings. Be sure to let your loved one know about your plans in advance, but not too far ahead if they tend to get anxious about going out. Make sure that you visit places that aren’t too noisy, hectic or crowded. If going to a restaurant, pick a time when the restaurant typically isn’t crowded and let the staff know about any special accommodations your family member or friend may need. Once there, ask for a table close to the restroom. When going on outings, pack plenty of water, snacks, extra clothing and even personal items, like a plush animal or fidget toy, which might help calm or comfort your loved one. Try to stick with your family member’s routine as much as possible: eat breakfast when they’re accustomed to eating and let them take a nap or walk if that’s part of their usual routine. Plan plenty of rest periods and be prepared to head back home if your loved one becomes anxious, tired, or overwhelmed. Spending time with someone with dementia not only lets them know that they are not forgotten, but it also provides them with emotional support and reinforces your connection with them. These visits can be just as meaningful for you as for them. The hours you spend with them will be time you’ll cherish now, but especially down the road. Read More Terri L. Jones Terri L. Jones has been writing educational and informative topics for the senior industry for over 10 years, and is a frequent and longtime contributor to Seniors Guide.