Helping Aging Parents While Maintaining Independence

As an adult with two older and healthy parents, I worry they may face challenges as they age – that will not only affect them, but also myself.

Growing up, I witnessed my mother transition from being her parents’ child to being their caregiver. It may have been the hardest job my mom ever had – albeit one with no paycheck. She was working full-time to take care of my grandparents’ needs, daily tasks, and medical necessities. It was exhausting, both mentally and physically. This was my mother’s reality, but I never wanted it to be mine, or my siblings.

For me – and the millions of people like me with aging parents – watching Mom and Dad grow older brings a new and challenging set of conversations. Among them is the decision of whether to stay in the comfortable surroundings of a long-time family home or move to a senior living community, an option my parents weren’t interested in.

And, with my siblings scattered elsewhere across the country, the responsibility of supporting our parents as they grew older fell squarely on my shoulders. I was scared of watching them lose their independence, and I was even more scared that I would grow to resent their needs becoming my responsibility. I wanted to become their advocate as they aged, but I knew that I couldn’t meet all of their needs.

I explored options that could honor their preferences while meeting their needs. I discovered a way they could have the comfort of staying at home alongside the peace of mind of knowing their health and socialization needs would be met. They could maintain independence while still having a safety net.

The right decision for us

Approximately three-quarters of Americans over 50 express a desire to age in place, as my parents do. But aging at home didn’t address my concern for my parents’ increasing needs. However, the key to my discovery was finding someone besides myself to coordinate services and health care.

Organizations provide an abundance of services for aging in place, from companion care and home health care, to transportation and senior centers, to care coordinators. While most of these programs are independent of each other, my parents chose an aging-at-home program that arranges for all of their needs to be met.

Initially, my parents were hesitant to enroll in a program dedicated to “aging,” but I reminded them of Mom’s years serving as a caregiver to her parents. My mother remembered how she felt, and she recognized that such a program would make it so she could ease her own children’s burdens and worries. They did not want me to have any other role than simply as their child.

When my parents became members of an aging-at-home program, they realized they took the weight off of me. Besides relief for my own future, I also felt peace at knowing that they would have access to the services and support they would need as they aged.

Related: What to Expect – Watching Your Parents Age

A host of benefits

Beyond ensuring that their physical needs are met, every child wants to see their mom and dad continue to truly live as they grow older: a vibrant sense of community, meaningful connections, and lifelong learning all contribute to this.

Being part of a community larger than yourself, which takes the burden of planning these opportunities away, is an untold benefit of aging at home programs. I’ve watched my parents be welcomed into a supportive and welcoming environment, through in-person group outings and virtual educational experiences.

The coordination that occurs through a membership program is unique. Care coordinators are neither family nor nurses; instead, they play the role of advocate. Without the bias of being family, they ensure members’ medical needs are met and that there is a plan for them to remain independent and in the home they love.

This experience has helped me maintain and strengthen my relationship with my parents. Instead of being consumed by the logistical challenges of caregiving, we can simply enjoy spending time together.

My advice for those seeking peace of mind

Everyone’s circumstances are different, and what works some may not work for others.

Still, to those who may be navigating similar challenges with aging parents, my advice is simple: be proactive and learn the options. An intentional, aging-at-home program that is tailored to your family’s specific needs may be possible.

Awareness is key, and it’s essential to start planning for a worry-free future with your loved ones.

Supporting my parents in planning for their future well-being is the best decision I have ever made. Many years from now, I’ll be able to share stories with my children and grandchildren about the fulfilling and beautiful life my parents lived.

Keith Strauss is the child of Kendal at Home members, a program helping adults age safely at home in Northern Kentucky, Ohio, and Massachusetts.