Lifestyle Angry Senior Adults: An Unavoidable Part of Aging? 11/19/2024 | By Terri L. Jones The angry senior seems to be a cultural trope, with grumpiness and irritability often expected. But is anger an inevitable part of aging or a sign of an issue that can be addressed? Seniors Guide looks at some causes and solutions. You’ve probably watched Walter Matthau and Jack Lemon argue and insult each other in the movie “Grumpy Old Men” or whiled away time in the Hallmark card aisle laughing at Maxine’s caustic wit. You may even have experienced the testiness and sharp tongue of a few seniors yourself – or been the angry senior adult! While it may seem like grouchiness simply goes hand in hand with growing old, that’s not usually the whole story. Knowing the reasons behind a senior’s cantankerous behavior can help the person handle the emotions more constructively and present a more positive face to the world. Underlying problems that can stir an angry senior Health issues The first possibility is something medical, such as dementia, stroke, or Parkinson’s disease, all of which affect the brain and can cause changes in emotions, behavior, and even personality. Irritability can also be brought on by chronic pain, lack of sleep, and hearing and vision loss. Some medications can also bring on emotional changes, including irritability and aggression. With aging also comes a drop in dopamine levels, which can cause depression, making a person feel tired and moody. The age-related decline of estrogen can compound these effects, triggering depression in women. Life changes As the old adage goes, “getting old isn’t for sissies.” Seniors probably can’t get around like they used to; they may have had to give up activities that gave them joy; or perhaps their kids may have decided they’re unsafe to live alone or drive anymore. Profound changes like these are bound to cause anyone’s outlook on life to sour. For an angry senior, this can result in grumbling, at the very least, but in some cases, anger and lashing out at the people around them. Loneliness At this stage of life, many of a senior’s friends may have moved or passed away, causing their social circle to shrink or even disappear. On top of that, family members may not visit often, leaving seniors isolated and alone. Unaddressed hearing loss can erect a barrier, too, when a senior feels shut out of conversations and withdraws from social situations. Loneliness can have a powerful impact on older people and manifest in anger and outbursts. Related: 10 Ways to Ease a Senior’s Loneliness Expectations Maybe your loved one’s life hasn’t turned out the way they’d imagined – it could be that their marriage failed, or they didn’t attain the goals they’d set for themselves in their career. Finances can also play a huge role in one’s mood. If a senior is living on a fixed income and can’t travel or even dine out with friends, they inevitably become frustrated and may take it out on family members and friends. They may also expect certain things from their children like more frequent visits, financial help, or direct caregiving (especially if they took care of their own parents). Unmet expectations can lead to disappointment and eventually a bitter attitude toward others. Boredom Remember the last time you had nothing to do but worry about a problem? There’s a good chance you blew that problem way out of proportion! Well, with age comes an over-abundance of idle time. Boredom itself can be a downer, but when older people sit around and ruminate about how their lives have changed or what their family members have done to them or haven’t done for them, those frustrations can spin into a raging fury, and that fury is unleashed on whoever crosses their path. Managing the angry senior (or the angry you) Remain calm and patient if your loved one has an outburst (getting angry in response will only exacerbate the situation). Ask them what’s causing their irritability and really listen. Validate their feelings – whether you understand them or not. Tell them how their gripes and insults make you feel without attacking them for their own feelings. Consider the likely reasons for the irritability and look for remedies. If you suspect that the anger may be a response to something medical, a physician may be able to suggest a medication or other remedy. If the problem could arise from managing the emotions of life changes and unmet expectations, a therapist – or simply a patient, listening ear – may be able to help. If loneliness or boredom is part of the cause, work at finding positive social outlets. If hearing loss has caused the person to withdraw, look into possible solutions. Today’s new over-the-counter hearing aids are less expensive than traditional devices, and solutions such as the Apple AirPods Pro 2 don’t even look like hearing aids. Related: The Benefits of Friendships in Senior Living Communities If your loved one is reluctant to talk about their emotions, suggest that they express them in a healthy way, such as through writing, creating artwork, or playing music. Help them find distractions like engaging in activities, volunteering, or cultivating new friendships at clubs, a senior center, or their place of worship. However, if nothing you do or say is moving the needle, it’s time to seek professional help. Everyone has a bad day now and then, but a chronic Negative Nelly or Gloomy Gus can end up hurting and alienating the people who are just trying to be there for them. Try to get help for your loved ones before the damage is done. From advice column Asking Eric: When a friend gets meaner with age, is there hope for a return to niceness or for mending hurt relationships? Read More Terri L. Jones Terri L. Jones has been writing educational and informative topics for the senior industry for over 10 years, and is a frequent and longtime contributor to Seniors Guide.