Is It Ageist to Call an Older Engagement ‘Cute’?

I find this infantilizing, as if we were small children playing dress-up. I realize that people are happy for us and that the marriage of two people past 70 is unexpected and startling in a pleasant way. But cute? Would anyone call an impending marriage of two 35-year-olds cute? Am I being over-sensitive about ageism? And can you come up with a response?

– Engaged at Any Age

Dear Engaged:

Congratulations. I don’t think you’re being overly sensitive, per se. But I think people tend to lump a lot of love relationships into the cute category. It can be shorthand for something unexpected but lovely. I’ve heard people use it to talk about teenagers in love, coworkers, seniors and long-lost friends. That said, thinking it’s unexpected to find love past 70 is ageist.

Bottom line: if it doesn’t sit right with you, that’s all that matters.

Try coming up with another descriptor. Something that matches the way you feel. “Oh, we don’t think it’s cute. We think it’s [fill in the blank].” It could be “passionate,” “romantic,” “right on time,” or anything else you choose. You get to define your relationship.

R. Eric Thomas (he/him) is a national bestselling author, playwright, and screenwriter. His accomplishments include “Eric Reads the News,” a daily humor column covering pop culture and politics, serving as the interim Prudie for the advice column “Dear Prudence,” and author of “Congratulations, The Best Is Over!” Send questions to R. Eric Thomas at eric@askingeric.com or P.O. Box 22474, Philadelphia, PA 19110. Follow him on Instagram and sign up for his weekly newsletter at rericthomas.com.

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