Lifestyle Changing Perspectives on Birthdays 10/28/2024 | By Terri L. Jones Do you still celebrate your birthdays with parties and cake and balloons, or do you mark the date with a sense of dread? Writer Terri L. Jones examines changing perspectives on birthdays. My husband turned 65 this week, and a few months from now, he’ll be retiring from a long and very demanding career in IT security. To celebrate, we’re taking a Caribbean cruise, and afterward, he’s planning to spend more time playing his guitar and maybe even learning to bake! He’s also been looking at RVs for that cross-country trip we’ve always wanted to make. However, despite his excitement about the freedom and plethora of opportunities he has in store, my husband has an overwhelming pessimism as well. He’s convinced that 65 is the beginning of the end for him and frames all his aspirations as “doing this while I still can.” His enthusiasm about this next chapter is tempered by anxiety about how long it will last. As my husband and I talked about his impending birthday, it made me contemplate birthdays in general and how our feelings about them often change throughout our lives. Our evolving perspectives on birthdays In our youth, we count down the days to our next birthday. Celebrating with cake, gifts, and parties, we get to do pretty much whatever we like on this day. In those early years, our birthdays also mark long-awaited milestones that have significant consequences in our lives, like entering school, getting a driver’s license, voting, and buying alcohol. But somewhere down the road, that date on the calendar becomes a day that many of us don’t eagerly anticipate anymore … and that some of us even despise. Birthday blues For most of us, that shift happens in our 50s or 60s when we start to really feel our age. We may wake up each morning with a new ache or pain, have an ever-increasing number of wrinkles and gray hairs, or feel slower, not as motivated, or even less sharp than we used to be. Each birthday reinforces our greatest fears about getting older. Personally, I developed an aversion to birthdays early. At 30, all my friends were married, with some even starting to have kids. I was still single, dating a guy that I was pretty certain I wouldn’t end up with. While I had just landed a good job in a new city, it simply wasn’t enough to offset my disappointment about where my life was at that point. I recall the weekend of my birthday, celebrating with my family and short-timer boyfriend, and feeling positively maudlin as I blew out the candles on my cake. Thankfully my own birthday blues didn’t last very long. As soon as I stopped comparing myself to everyone else, I started loving birthdays again. My 40th birthday was celebrated tandem skydiving followed by a huge party with all my other single friends. My life was exactly where I wanted it to be. My secret to happy birthdays But aging and disappointment aren’t the only reasons some of us choose to skip our birthdays. Sometimes we’re depressed about all the people who are no longer here to help us celebrate, or perhaps something traumatic happened close to our birthdate and it’s difficult to get excited at that time of year anymore. Or if our friends are all celebrating with extravagant trips, jewelry, and parties (thanks, social media!), our own birthday celebrations may simply not measure up! But in my opinion, there are even more reasons to be excited about the coming year. Currently, I am the youngest person in my friend group, and this group of vibrant, positive women with whom I surround myself serve as a preview of what the coming years can be like for me. My birthday now feels like the entrance ramp to all kinds of possibilities. My own special day is just around the corner. While there will be no party hats or jumping out of planes for me this year, I plan to get a massage, read a good book on the porch, and have a nice dinner out with my husband. And rather on dwelling on another year passed, I’ll focus on the opportunities to come. I have a feeling this year will be full of them! Related to our changing perspectives on birthdays: A look at ‘Aging Famously: Follow Those You Admire to Living Long and Well’ A look at ‘Squint: Re-visioning the Second Half of Life’ Read More Terri L. Jones Terri L. Jones has been writing educational and informative topics for the senior industry for over 10 years, and is a frequent and longtime contributor to Seniors Guide.