Retirement Community Romance

Over time I’ve become assimilated into the community. I’ve met someone who hasn’t been alone as long as I have. I met him in the major corridor of our complex. I put on my best smile and introduced myself. He is ruggedly handsome, walks with a confident swagger, and has a great and engaging personality.

I wondered why he didn’t seem to be attached to any of the attractive women who live here. He is popular with men and women, and I know there are other ladies here who would like his attention.

We have become close. We share many common interests. He is loving, tender, and considerate of my feelings and needs.

My problem is that I’ve fallen in love with him, however, I don’t want to be hurt if he doesn’t totally feel the way I do. I’m afraid I might lose him! I’m afraid of being hurt.

I’d like your advice on whether I should break this off and take my emotional lumps now or stay and keep him happy.

– Senior Single

Dear Senior: 

My understanding about some retirement communities is that they can be hotbeds of … hot beds. 

Your experience of meeting your guy in the hallway and perhaps being in competition with other women reminds me that attraction will always – to varying degrees – pull any of us right back to high school.

And, just like affairs earlier in your life, the feeling of love and attraction leads to extreme vulnerability. In this retirement community romance, you are afraid of losing him. You are afraid of being hurt.

I would venture that both of these things are inevitable, because as you age the reality of loss grows closer.

You should talk to this man about your relationship. What does he want, and what do you want? Does he want to be in an exclusive relationship? Do you?

I’d offer one correction: You ask whether you should “stay and keep him happy.”

You should only stay in the relationship as long as it keeps you happy.

In the tradition of the great personal advice columnists, Chicago Tribune’s Amy Dickinson is a plainspoken straight shooter who relates to readers of all ages. She answers personal questions by addressing issues from both her head and her heart. A solid reporter, Dickinson researches her topics to provide readers with informed opinions and answers – ranging from a retirement community romance, to DNA surprises, to supporting a granddaughter’s recovery. Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068.